new kid on block

For years, my family of friends in recovery and Redeemer instructed me to,

Fake it ‘til you make it.

And,

It’s easier to act your way into a better way of feeling than feeling your way into a better way acting.

While I balked, I followed their advice. As they were wiser and more worthy than I.

I carried this burden with me as we moved from the Mississippi Delta to the Mississippi Gulf Coast a few years back.

From home to…hell.

For me anyway.

Sure, I slapped a smile on my face and did my teaching-and-reaching out thing.

But I was struggling.

Spiritually. Mentally. Physically. Emotionally.

All those things we don’t share except around the flickering of a fire pit.

Missing my friends, students, and service.

I desperately missed serving at Arms of Mercy, Inc.

An outreach that begun with us serving on the streets. Morphed into a 90 Day program for alcoholics and addicts. Grew into Transition Houses for both men and women. Places of refuge where broken people could be healed by the grace of GOD and giving of the grieving.

Myself included.

I hung out there.

Taught.

Mostly what NOT to do.

From experience and empathy.

You may read of such in my first AOM book (back when I still possessed the name Provine and Sleeping Bag Guy was yet unborn)…link below.

When we moved, however, I lost people, places, things…

Not that were harmful but healing.

And, much like the choppy and convoluted coastal waters of the gulf coast, I was tossed and tormented, lonely and longing.

Despite my enthusiasm and energy at school and home.

I showed up and out.

Did my thing.

Did me.

Me the new “kid” on the (700) block.

Had the support and shouting of new colleagues and friends on the 700 Block (but oh, how I missed my 400 Hall at O’Bannon) like Bowling, Kennedy (the Older and Younger), Cole, Haberman, The Woodwards, Wilson, and Gilbert.

Along with many others (Shawn and Caden at Centerpointe).

Yet, still with a hole for Hannini to heal.

For while serving pupils, I wasn’t serving people.

My people.

My fellow addicts and alcoholics.

My fellow junkies and Jesus (freaks).

My helping-self-by-helping-others people.